Breakfast and the funnies

 

Gentle Reader,

You have been such good little bloggers I decided to fix you all breakfast and read the funnies to you while you eat. Don't be afraid to dig in my food is just like the parable of the loves and fishes. You can never get too much. enjoy and leave me a tip (or at least a note) your cups hanging up waiting for you!

My pastor friend put sanitary hot air hand dryers in the rest rooms at his church and after two weeks took them out. I asked him why and he confessed that they worked fine but when he went in there he saw a sign that read, "For a sample of this week's sermon, push the button

One communion Sunday, my communion steward prepared communion with a twist.  When it came time to uncover the elements the grape juice looked darker than usual.  I thought nothing of it and began to serve the communion. Promptly upon receiving the cup, each recipient's face had a peculiar, stunned look. When it came time for me to receive I discovered why the strange looks...the juice was prune juice! One parishioner stated, "Perhaps this is a Divine commentary on our spirituality...we need a little loosening up!"

The Number of the Beast

OK, we all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast. But did you know:

• $665.95......................Retail price of the Beast
• $699.25......................Price of the Beast plus 5% sales tax
• $769.95......................Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
• $656.66......................Walmart price of the Beast
• $646.66......................Next week's Walmart price of the Beast
• 00666.........................Zip code of the Beast
• 1-666 .........................Area code of the Beast
• 1-900-666-0666 ............ Live Beasts! Call Now! Only $6.66/minute.
• 660............................Approximate number of the Beast
• DCLXVI.....................Roman numeral of the Beast
• 666.0000.....................Number of the High Precision Beast
• 0.666 .........................Number of the Millibeast
• / 666 ..........................Beast Common Denominator
• 666 ^ (-1).....................Imaginary number of the Beast
• 1010011010..................Binary of the Beast
• Phillips 666..................Gasoline of the Beast
• $6.66 9/10....................Price of a Beast gasoline
• Route 666....................Way of the Beast
• 666 F.........................Oven temperature for roast Beast
• 666k..........................Retirement plan of the Beast
• 6.66%........................5 year CD rate at First Beast National Bank, $666 minimum deposit.
• i66686........................CPU of the Beast
• 666i .......................... BMW of the Beast
• DSM-666.....................Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
• 668............................Next-door neighbor of the Beast
• 666 mg........................Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast
• Lotus 6-6-6...................Spreadsheet of the Beast
• Word 6.66....................Word Processor of the Beast
• 6 h. 66 min....................Beast Standard Time (BST)
• Boeing 666....................."A jet for the Beast Age"
• Beverly Hills 66666..........Beast's favorite TV show
• 6/6/66..........................The birth date of the Beast
• 666-66-6666..................The Social Security number of the Beast
• 6666............................The PIN of the Beast
• 25.806975.....................The square root of the Beast
• 660..............................Approximate number of the Beast
• Motel 666......................Beast Western
• Windows 96 ver.666.........OS of the Beast 

Remember God loves you and so do I

Denis

One more? OK!  Don't worry about the clean up I'll take care of it!

 

Godless Linguistics

To all Talk.Origins Readers,

Clearly, we can see the very structure of our civilization crumbling around our ears. Sexual perversion runs rampant as our once-proud moral culture slides ever closer to the gaping maw of oblivion. One need only turn on the TV to witness ample evidence of the degradation of our current Godless society, slipping closer to destruction with the wanton disregard for proper diction, and the torrid abomination of corrupted grammar!

Why, just listen to the "music" of the young people these days. Such trash! The words slur together (when they can be understood at all) into a putrid mush of incomplete sentences and split infinitives. It's awful. And it has been PROVEN to induce young people to commit acts of violence, theft, and unwed pregnancy. And surely, it is no mere coincidence that this dire threat to the fabric of our very civilization coincides exactly with the indoctrination of our young people with Godless LINGUISTICS in the public schools.

Our public schools have turned away from the source of Truth, to teach our children that our sacred English language has descended from other languages. The poor impressionable youngsters are taught AS A FACT that English words have certain "root words", even though this is only a theory. The FACT is, God Almighty created all languages complete when he confused mankind's original language as punishment for our transgression at the tower of Babel. But the atheist/linguists don't want this mentioned in public settings, because it goes against their FAITH, and forces them to face their own accountability. So they have BANNED the teaching of Babelism, because they are afraid that it might expose the weakness of their own linguistic ideas. Is this fair? I don't think so. It goes against all that America stands for.

Therefore, join me in the campaign to have a balanced and fair treatment in public education. All English teachers should be required to include Babelism as a valid alternate theory to Linguisticism, whenever the origins of the English language is discussed.

Oh, of course we can expect opposition from the entrenched vested interests. They will point to certain similarities (i.e. "mother", "madre" "mater") as evidence of the relatedness of various languages. But this is a complete misinterpretation of the evidence. Clearly it is more economical for God to use similar phonic structures to designate similar meanings. Therefore, the existence of such similarities PROVES that the various languages must have had the same author.

Second, a language is a complex thing. The odds that some first speaker could randomly string together a complex series of sounds, and then multiply this by the odds that someone else would UNDERSTAND him, and the probability could be calculated to be less than 1 in 10^500. That's a one with five hundred zero's. A statistical impossibility. Obviously, the first language must have a designer: God.

Third, there is NO evidence that transitional languages ever existed. What use is half a language? A noun without verbs conveys no meaning! Sure, there is middle and old- English. But these are ENGLISH! A complete nontransitional language. We do not deny that micro-linguistics can happen, but this process can create only DIALECTS. There is NO EVIDENCE that a series of random micro-linguistic events can create a WHOLE NEW LANGUAGE. I'll believe in Macro-linguistics when I see a video tape of a child growing up in an Eskimo village suddenly become fluent in Armenian! It takes A LOT MORE FAITH to believe in atheistic linguisticism than the truth of Babelism.

So join me in the crusade: Babelism must be included in the public school English curriculum.

There are only two theories which explain the origin of our language: Babelism and Linguisticism. Shouldn't they BOTH be given a fair hearing?

Thank you.

Denis