Many think Christians are those people who carry a 3'x 5' Bible and sing "Oh, how happy I am and here is the reason why" with a face that looks like they been sucking on a lemon! Not so. Read On.
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods.
What majestic trees!
What powerful rivers!
What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7 foot grizzly charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out: "Oh my God!..."
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky: "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the BEAR a Christian?"
"Very well," said the voice.
The light went out.
The sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together and bowed his head and spoke:
"Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty, through Christ our Lord, Amen."
Want More? O.K. try this:
Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates.
The first nurse said, "I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, even though occasionally we did lose one. I think I deserve to go to heaven."
St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.
The second nurse says, "I worked in an operating room. It's a very high stress environment and we
do our best. Sometimes the patients are too sick and we lose them, but overall we try very hard."
St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.
The third nurse says, "I was a case manager for an HMO."
St. Peter looks at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse's file. After a few minutes St. Peter looks up, smiles, and says,
"Congratulations! You've been admitted to heaven ...for five days!"
And my favorite:
You Know You're A Missionary Kid When . . .
You can't answer the question, "Where are you from?"
You speak two languages, but can't spell either.
You flew before you could walk.
You embarrass yourself by asking what swear words mean.
You have a passport, but no driver's license.
You watch National Geographic specials and recognize someone.
You have a time zone map next to your telephone.
You don't know how to play Pac-Man.
You would rather eat seaweed than cafeteria food.
Your life story uses the phrase "Then we went to..." five times.
You speak to different ethnic groups in their own language.
You think in grams, metres, and litres.
You speak with authority on the quality of airline travel.
You send your family peanut butter and Kool-Aid for Christmas.
You worry about fitting in, and wear a native wrap around the dorm.
National Geographic makes you homesick.
You have strong opinions about how to cook bugs.
You live at school, work in the tropics, and go home for vacation.
You don't know where home is.
Strangers say they can remember you when you were "this tall."
You have friends from or in 29 different countries.
You do your devotions in another language.
You sort your friends by continent.
You keep dreaming of a green Christmas.
You tell people where you're from, and their eyes get big.
You are grateful for the speed and efficiency of any postal service.
You rrealizethat furlough is not a vacation.
You wince when people mispronounce foreign words.
You've spoken in dozens of churches, but aren't a pastor.
Furlough means that you are stuffed every night . . . and have to eat it all to seem polite.
Your parents decline your cousin's offer to let them use his BMW, and stuff all six of you into an old VW Beetle instead.
You stockpile mangoes.
You know what REAL coffee tastes like.
The majority of your friends don't speak English as a first language.
Someone brings up the name of a team, and you get the sport wrong.
You believe vehemently that football is played with a round, spotted ball.
You know there is no such thing as an international language.
You know the difference between patriotism and nationalism.
You realize what a small world it is, after all.
You never take anything for granted.
You watch a movie set in a foreign country, and you know what the nationals are REALLY saying into the camera.
You know how to pack.
All preaching sounds better under a corrugated tin roof.
Having four distinct seasons other than: dry, very dry, rainy, very rainy, is a new experience.
After a couple of years in one spot, you're ready to move again.
You frequently say, "I don't know, I was out of the country."
You feel uncomfortable in school without a uniform.
School gets cancelled due to flash flooding.
Tropical fruits aren't imported.
Walking miles to and from school is "normal."
If someone asks what school you went to, you reply, "depends on the year."
You are afraid to ask what you are eating. But munch away, with a smile on your face.
Until next Time Gentle Reader
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